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Toronto, Ontario, Canada
"Internet porn makes everything more reasonable -- once you've realized there is a massive subculture of upwardly mobile people who think it's erotic to see an Asian woman giving a hand job to a javelina, nothing else in the world seems crazy."

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

i quit i quit... you know the rest

and some fuckers love fucking, more than they like to love.
I'm not saying that one is better than the other...
i think they're equally as fucked.

I'm having a much harder time with this than i convinced myself i was going to have. Yesterday i was just grateful to still have something to hold on to that meant something to me.
Today i'm not so sure if thats what i should be feeling.
There are many reasons why we find ourselves attracted to others. whether it be looks, or common interest, or shared goals, or all three. whatever. But what makes such a strong attraction cause such huge issues between two people that it's almost impossible to recover from. If all you're looking for is that common ground or undeniable connection, then why when you find it does it always cause more harm than good.
and by you i obviously mean me. when i find it. i thought i really found it this time.
It's beyond being funny anymore. or typical, or just plain bad luck. it's beyond all things i have any sort of probable cause for and i am actually just stuck criticizing myself for things that are undeniably a huge part of who i am.
so maybe i'm just meant to be alone.
fly solo, so to speak.
maybe the type of people i'm most interested in just aren't ready for the be all or nothing give all or nothing attitude i have when it comes to caring about people who matter.
or maybe i just am the easiest person in the world to be totally enthralled with for a month before it becomes old news.

i am nothing more than last week's front page headline...

this is so weird for me right now. when i say it was like a slap in the face, thats being modest. but even if it hurts right now there's something that keeps telling me you're worth it.
it's never been an issue of my willingness to try.
it's always been an issue of my willingness to try too much.

When everything goes wrong you see some bad...
Well Im just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh lord, please dont let me be misunderstood
xo.

2 comments:

Take it easy, love nothing said...

Chin up, it's not worth it, believe me.

DeMarco said...

I've been listening to that gorgeous record so much. I wanna see you soon and talk about life. I miss you.