thinking bout the breeze

today.
tomorrow.
it really doesn't matter. the past 36 hours have abeen a complete blur of me thinking about this non stop and trying to forget it all at the same time.. i'd like to see you try.
day in and day out its the same god damn thing.
pretend not to care.
pretend its alright.
pretend it can only get better.
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is just a way to pretend that important things dont matter. making myself up to look less shitty than normal is just a pretend way to not feel defeated again.
but as soon as you dont have 100 things to distract you it all comes back. the dissapointment, the grief, the fucking self conciousness that rules your life. the reason why you never get involved in these things in the first place...because when it all comes crumbling down all you have left to hold on to are the things that you hate most about yourself.

i dont know. i'm so pissed off i dont even know what im talking about anymore.

juliaclaire says:
i feel awful

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
im sending the cat

juliaclaire says:
i dont want the cat hahahahha

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
its on its way

juliaclaire says:
you actually just saved me from another half hour of tears

juliaclaire says:
hahahaha

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
yesssss

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
but seriously whats your adress

juliaclaire says:
i dont know the postal code yet

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
ill find out

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
its going at 125 m/ph

juliaclaire says:
the cat?!

xgenevieve jeansonx says:
yes

Funny Face

....my answer is funny face.
by the way.

all i know is that to me you look like you're lots of fun

1:00am.

i thought sitting around by myself drinking a bottle of presidents and eating shit ghiradelli chocolates were going to be all the comfort i needed tonight.
boy was i wrong.

now im sitting here at 1:01 in the morning, my face fucking puffy and my head pounding watching the wedding singer strictly because drew barrymore is the cutest and in the end of it all...Julia wins.

living vicariously through movies on valentines day because i want so badly to know what that fucking feels like.

goodnight.
xo

polygraph

happy valentines day to any or all of you who buy into that stuff.
yeah it's cliche... and yeah its fucking commercialized to shit but... the last time i checked i am still a girl and it is still nice to have a reason to celebrate a shitty holiday like that.
even if your reason is the most static human being you've ever met who is going to spend the day at a job that he hates and then go to barrie. with no mention of appreciation or gratitude or even happiness.
its a funny world we live in.
it's a funny life i choose to lead.

sometimes i wonder if i've just grown accustom to abuse.
i wish i could see cursed play just one more time.

xo

PLZ?!?!?! post.

i want this outfit on my cute little bod pronto.















come on raise.
come on NYC.
come on trips to sunny places.

xo

i fucking warned you.

this is the shit i want. hook me up. i'm mass grumpy.
















The tights.... the shirt is cute too but i already have one thats mass similar.



























the piece de resistance...
I love this fucking necklace more than life.



this is ryan.
EDIT: he's a space cadet but he's my space cadet.



just another reason that proves i can't be sure about anything.

sick as a dog.

i was.
but im actually feeling better except that my blackberry seems to be screwing up already after only having it for like 2 weeks.
I haven't written in a while. i feel like i don't have a lot to say that i haven't already said a million times before.
i need a vacation.
my boss is crazy.
i love/hate toronto.
etc etc.

Taking jen to Mtl next weekend with me courtesy of my bossypants. thanks for the free hotel/plane tickets you batshit crazy piece of woman you. I'm supposed to be going to some huge event planning trade show/work shop things but whether or not i'll actually make it is another story to any/either of those.

You have quickly proven to be more than i ever thought possible, especially once i thought things started to go down the tubes, and i don't even deserve you. it sucks so much for me to see you so unhappy when the answer is so simple. or atleast seemingly simple to me... maybe i just don't understand having never worked 7 days a week in my life, but i can only imagine what that would do to me. physically and emotionally draining. thats all i can think over and over in my head and i wish there was some way i could get you out of this. thats not something i want anyone i care about to have to try and cope with on a day to day basis. And not being able to make you feel better kills me everyday...i can read you better than you think i can. and probably better than you hope i can too.

All i want to do lately is watch true romance because it reminds me of you.
I really fucking miss Dom. anyone who calls me "baby penguin" on the regular is someone i need to have in my life more. haha
I also miss Michelle, which reminds me that i need to read her blog when i'm done writing this...
and katie gale is the light of my life with her bk big fish and her baby face being late for workies due to bk big fishes and google image searches. big fish bk google big image fish searches.

AND it makes me glow on the inside comming home to two spaghetti cats, A.A.H, and Men Chillen erry dayz.

Life is good. lets get big.
xo


P.S. i plan on writing the longest "THESE ARE THE ITEMS I CURRENTLY WANT TO OWN" entry when i get home. beware.