11:36 pm

boy does it seem later than that.
what a fucking day

note: gross things to follow. be forewarned.

So, i finally got a hold of my mom today. (after being tranferred to about 8 different people all over McMaster before they put me through to where ever it was they were keeping my grandad). Apparently i am not old enough yet to be told when someone in my family is going to die. NOT that my grandad died. but there is a very high chance he is going to in the next 4 to 6 months. and that isn't me being negative it's just the facts of pancreatic cancer.
Which, has also spread to his liver.
Bummer.... is a definite understatement.
He's super gung-ho about having the operation for his liver and then undergoing chemo, but even then statistically his chances aren't great.

he was hallucinating today because he's been having such bad stomach pains that he wasn't eating or drinking enough and got really dehydrated. something about being on the deck and there being all this hamburger meat (in between the wall and his bed) left out of the fridge and the BBQ was in that bag over there.... he also thought my moms purse was a giant rat. and then hours later a road map. ohhhh grandad.

anyway, i'm going back to the hospital tomorrow with moms because she isn't doing too well. Hadn't slept since monday etc, but i don't think i've ever seen her so happy to see me.
So for once i'm going to have to step it up and be the parent. But i'd do anything for my mom. obviously.

other than that, i'm not going to bad mouth anyone who might be friends with anyone who might read my blog because i don't actually wish him any real harm... i just would like to re-iterate some points that some of you may not know about me...
I hate being lied to. i don't care... what the reason is. and i don't care if it's going to hurt my feelings... i don't want to be lied to. it's a really fucking simple request.
i ALSO hate womanizers. not that this person was a womanizer. but i hate them anyway. AND I CAN SMELL YOU DISEASE INFESTED ASSHOLES FROM A MILE AWAY. so go away. please.

It's how I live - never forget, never forgive

i've never really been one for second chances.
xo